Zack (eckoman) wrote,

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"Clouded this boys future is, difficult to foresee..."

I feel very bad for Jill.. Her mom gives her shit abuot seeing Mr. Man all the time, and she barely sees him. This makes the relationship seem perfect though because there is no effort to be made. They cannot grow closer and get to know one another except through typing online and talking on the phone. They have had so little time spent together getting to know eachother in person, and won't be able to because from what she said there will be no visitation in the winter when it's icy and snowy.

I don't understand how she could throw our relationship away without a second thought, and no I'm not completely over her yet. I never will be because there is no closure, only excuses and false reasoning. She already needs something he cannot provide, but something I gave without hesitation. Being there. Literally, physically, to be able to hug and touch. He is not, and they both are alone.

I get so bitter thinking about what she said: we didn't work because all we did was fight. We fought because I was told she cheated and was having a secret relationship, and she denied. She eventually came forward, and the FACT is, if she didn't lie and betray, there'd be no fights. It's simple to understand, but easy to deny because she's used to it..

Random thoughts keep popping up into my head and making me bitter and depressing me, making me hate my life. When we went to Seeley's show, we fought about Pat again, and she denied it for hours and we screamed and fought nonstop.. and she DENIED IT. It finally has been revealed because she cheated, and now I know that she was crying because she felt like a "nothing" for doing what she did, the guilt was getting to her. So instead of ending it and being with me, so we could continue on where we left off, she tossed me to the mud and left me for shit. I knew she was lying the entire time, that's what made the whole thing so hard. She begged me to believe her and I didn't, because I knew she was lying.

After all this, why is it that I am alone and miserable, after everything I did, gave up, put up with and sacrificed for her? And she gets home free, happy as can be with her brainwashing drug addict. It's sick and demented, and I guess that's the type of thing Andy warned me about way back when we first started talking, Jill and I. I didn't believe him either.

This is wrong.
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